Two Ladies Talking in Heaven. 1st woman: Hi Barbara. 2nd woman: Hi Sylvia. How'd you die?. 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible. 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold I began to get warm & sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?. 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack I suspected that my husband was cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act But instead I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking I ran up into the attic and searched and down into the basement Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds I kept this up until I had looked everywhere and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer we'd both still be alive.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."